Random Crazy Thoughts–part 2

Some people would call this crazy
I called it fun to jump off a cliff strapped to a cute French Guy

For those not painfully aware that my mind isn’t quite right, I wrote a blog on June 28 called Random Crazy Thoughts, wandering into the realm of alternative thinking regarding the bible of psychiatric diagnosis, the DSM IV.

What if it were written by a person with schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder, or bi-polar disorder or…well… pick one?  Would “Normal” be called Bland Personality Disorder?  Or how about calling it Monotonous Affective Disorder?

I was going to create a definition of

• Non-Histrionic personality disorder–those people who can’t tell a story without putting you to sleep and can’t get a second date because they’re so boring.

Instead, I’m writing part 2 today and part 3 tomorrow because the DSM IV is gone and the DSM V is out there. Literally.  Not even NIMH is on board with the new DSM V, which was published in May 2013.

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DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor. I am a ranter, one who loves writing about the humor in the strange, the stupid, and the obviously ridiculous. It means that, quite probably, I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. My suggestion is that you laugh your head off, but don’t take anything I’m about to rant on as the words of an expert.

Do your own research.

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I used to go on geology field trips in the middle of the desert. We would speed by a section of a hill cut out to make way for the expressway and someone would invariably ask, “What kind of striation is that?” The instructor would inform us, “I don’t do 60 mph geology.” During the 60 mph research I did for this blog entry, there were (surprise, surprise) a few things I had missed regarding the continuing saga of the DSM the last time I touched on a few websites.

Did you know that cultural norms are considered when deciding on a diagnosis?

Cultural norms can be as diverse as dietary preferences. Personally, I think I’ll pass on the cheese made using yak urine, however if that’s the culture you live in, who am I to tell you not to eat it?  If you lived in the US, though, I’m positive the health department and the FDA  might not be so forgiving.

But…there are a few cultural differences more disgusting than yak urine cheese. If you were a woman living in Saudi Arabia who believed in free love, you’d be put to death.  In the US, that’s called murder and we think people who enslave women are crazy.  So, in effect, one culture’s crazy can be another culture’s sane.  Why, then, would someone coming to the US be cut some slack on a diagnosis because they’re not from around here?  It’s either a norm in our culture or it isn’t. If you come to this country, you’re supposed to assimilate. It’s cultural suicide to expect us to assimilate to the wishes of other cultures.

Should this inability to see the danger to your culture be called cultural suicide disorder?

I was looking up information about Histrionic Personality Disorder when I found out that this category is supposed to be mixed into a casserole of other personality disorders in the DSM V.  I’ll write more about that tomorrow.

Here’s a few tidbits of information about the new DSM V:

• Asbergers lost it’s place as a separate syndrome.
• Wal-Mart catatonic disorder still hasn’t been included.
• There’s now tobacco use disorder (TUD…really?)–so why isn’t chocolate use disorder thrown into this mess, too? (Could it be that the people deciding what is and is not the definition of insanity are choco-holics?) After all, the super secret panel of experts are looking into caffeine and intermittent gaming disorder as possibilities.
• Accessorizing has moved from the department store to the DSM V where you can mix and match features. You can choose from bi-polar 1, bi-polar 2, and throw in a little anxiety disorder to complete the ensemble. If you’re super unlucky, this can all be wrapped in an overcoat of “Unspecified Disorder.”
• Do you have psychosis NOS (not otherwise specified?  (Oh..Sorry “unspecified disorder”) with a side of anxiety? What is this, build your own breakfast at Denny’s?

Why not have an Intermittent Eating-out Disorder and call it IED? Because it would bomb–that’s why!

Hell, I ain’t quite right and even I can see there are problems with the new politically correct version of name-that-psychosis.

I have Tourette Syndrome, which is now classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder under the new DSM V. It’s the section in which you’ll find Intellectual Disabilities (previously called Mental Retardation), ADD, Autism, Stuttering and Learning Disabilities. I thought it was bad enough that I couldn’t get insurance because I simply had a tic disorder.  This new development is  the difference between spending a little time in jail for not paying a speeding ticket, and ending up in a prison full of people doing hard-core time.

Speaking of people who should be doing hard core time:  Perhaps  there should be a new disorder called Politician personality disorder. That could be lumped in the same category as Schizophrenia, since politicians seem to be taking their orders from an invisible entity pulling their strings like a puppet. They could be denied insurance, too, just like I was.   Oh…wait…Obamacare. No, they still won’t have to use the 3rd world medical care we’re going to be forced to endure–even though they voted on the bill before they read it.  Does that seem insane like insane behavior to you, too?

There’s one question so obvious, every person should be asking it: WHO IN THE FUTURE IS GOING TO DECIDE WHAT, EXACTLY, INSANITY LOOKS LIKE?

In the hands of those people who don’t agree with your politics, every human being on the planet and more than a few lab rats can now be classified as insane.