The thankless life of Errrrr dog.


This is how my subjects and the lowly human must learn to see me!

The lowly human is stripping her bedsheets because they smell like dog drool? I am so insulted!


Why does the dingo dog steal cat food cans and chew them up? He is becoming an annoyance that must be dealt with, and the lowly human does try to keep the cans away from him.

Many moons ago, the lowly human was quite upset about the vet bill. She said it was my fault for biting the dingo dog first. He was eating. He would not stop when I commanded it! It is not my fault that he failed to recognize my obvious status as Alpha Dog. The lowly human said, “Dolph Shortdog got the worst end of it. Why doesn’t he understand he’s no match for Dingo?”


This is what it feels like when the lowly human says I have short dog syndrome.

I am still insulted to this day. Errrrr.

The gentle giant is sitting at mom’s desk, his eyes peering over the top of it. I sit, too, but cannot see the top of the desk. His ears are perked up, forcing her to say, “awwwww. Isn’t that cute?” She puts a dog biscuit into his mouth. “Chomp.” He is looking around for the rest of it, failing to see the small crumbs I scramble to claim as my own. The dog biscuits the lowly human bought last week are inadequate!


That sound. Noooooooo. Not bath time again! She picks me up by the chest and carries me into the most offensive room in the house. Why would she humiliate me in front of my subjects! I will not dignify her efforts with an Errrrr, as it will mean a muzzle and a bath that is twice as long as necessary.


This is how the lowly human sees me. Ha! As if there is snow in Florida!

At night, I claim the bed as my own. My head is on the quilt covering her pillow. She wraps her arms around me and says, “Awwww. You’re so cute!” Cute? I am Alpha Dog! The Alpha Dog is not cute! She pets the Vizsla mutt, the fat white dog, the gentle giant and the dingo dog But the pillow is mine. All mine! Until it is time for the nightly ritual. She places her arm under the cover, lifting me off her pillow to deposit me at the foot of the bed. I stretch out next to her leg. Yes! The lowly human finally understands.

I am Alpha Dog. Hear me Errrrr.