3am wake up claw

Yes, it’s that time of the morning when the kitty fur fills my nostrils as I pet a cat hell bent on clawing my neck into hamburger.

I stumble down that treacherous path called a stairwell, holding onto the banister as I trip over dogs along the way…         Ow

….and ponder how close to death each and every one of us comes as we stumble through life each day. That’s when I remember there’s homemade chocolate pudding in the refrigerator.

Yes, it’s another one of those recipes I wouldn’t advise you to try at home.

Take a large scoop of corn starch (probably about 1/4 cup), 3/4 cup sugar, 1/4 cup organic cocoa and throw it into a bowl. Open a can of evaporated milk–don’t worry, it’s already been cooked so much that any food value it may have had was destroyed long ago–and melt a tablespoon of butter. Use a whisk to mix the milk, 1/2 a can of water (to rinse the rest of the milk out of the can) and dry ingredients together with the milk, and pour it the sauce pan with the butter.

Then stir on high heat like you’re driving the spatula to a first place finish in the Indy 500.

Did I mention I’m not a very patient cook?

Once it’s the consistency of thick gravy, turn off the heat and add 1/2 cap of vanilla. Stir vigorously and refrigerate until it bounces when you throw it at a wall.

I’ve thought about writing a cookbook as a diet enhancement tool. Anyone with an ounce of sanity will lose their appetite trying to read it.

Now that I’ve ingested about 1/2 cup of the stuff and raided the ibuprofen bottle, it’s off to bed.  I hope to God I get to sleep before my stomach goes into full blown rebellion.