The Green Tree Frog in my Toilet


Green Tree Frog.
Try brushing your teeth while that’s staring at you.

What does a green tree frog think when the yellow waterfall hits the white porcelain cliffs?  Does it wonder if the white stuff drying off the fleshy lid is a beach towel for the gods?  It’s a good thing the fleshy lid wasn’t raining dark brown boulders. 

All I can say is it’s lucky I noticed the spot of green at the back of the bowl BEFORE I flushed.  I never would have forgiven myself for drowning an inch long frog in a sea of pee and paper.

You’d think I’d be more careful.  I’ve lost count of the times that frog–or his/her cousin—sits on the toothpaste holder casually watching me brush my teeth as if it’s more fun than the new Star Trek movie.  Do you know how distracting it is to lean toward the sink and have a frog leap across it?  Hmmm…did you know that if you move your fingers to the left while you’re touch typing the word “sits” it morphs into the word “aura?”  My BAID.   Maybe I have the attention span of a green frog, not a goldfish.  Is there a difference?

Sometimes a frog likes to chill on the shower wall.  Are they in wonder of the magic white bubbles foaming in my hair? Or amused at the desperate way I grab for a towel when shampoo invades my eyes?   It would be easy to think they’re tiny aliens in disguise who just want to study humans, but there are more than a few clues to weed that theory out.  The first clue is as clear as the unused water in my toilet bowl:   I know where its pasty little paws have been.

You’d think they’d have enough sense to stay off the back of the faucet.  Do you know how weird it feels to turn off the water and find a frog under your finger instead of plastic?  Probably not as weird, or terrifying, as it feels for the frog.  

Then there are the 2 frogs that inhabit the top of my washing machine.  They like to sit next to each other facing opposite directions.  Do they think if they ignore each other long enough one will go away?  I tested this theory by carefully lifting the washer lid, dumping in the clothes, pouring on the soap, turning on the washer, and putting the lid down.  The 2 frogs were still in the same spot, still facing the opposite direction.  Perhaps it’s some bizarre ritual they use to make the human go away? 

If so, it worked.