SPAM (not related to the food)

It’s taken a while, but I believe I can write about this without fire blowing out of my ears.

Somehow, somewhere, someone sold my email address to spammers.  Perhaps it was for profit, or just for spite over the fact that I can be an infuriating bitch.  Whatever the reason, up until I nagged my server into oblivion I was receiving no fewer than 40 spam a day for anything from auto insurance to Viagara (that’s one of the latest spam-spell for it.  I don’t care if they call it Vineyard-gra and tell me it has Resveratrol in it —I’m still not going to bite). 

I blocked the email, created message rules, and blacklisted them on the server.  Things settled down for a few days—or even a week.  Then the deluge started again with new email addresses to block, dashes between words (like low-rates or discount-auto) or word substitutions (car-insurance rates lowered or  V_I_G_A_R_A). Recently, I’ve received a dribble of spam that  started:putting:colons:between:words.

I have a few “obsertions” (observations and questions). I’ll start with the email from “official” sources asking for money–the ones purporting to be from the FBI, CIA, IRS, I81 or anything that tries to look official.  Is there still a person with any money left who believes that official government correspondence demanding money is sent to you via email?  Somehow, I doubt any legitimate US government demand for money would begin their request with the following:

• Dear urnuts@gullible.us,  I so am sorry to relay message of audit.  We much regret your owing of $20,533.50.   Send please your credit card number…

I know there’s an illegal alien problem–but really?  Do you think people in the US who won’t learn English are going to understand it any better when the syntax is fubarred?

I’m making a list of what they advertise to ensure I don’t help to fund their efforts:

• It means 1-800-dentist is on my shit list,
• so is every pharmacy in Canada,
• as is Zbiddy.com (who wants to sell me a new Ipad for $60.13),
• anything sent to me with a string of words at the bottom that have no relevance (except to make sure I get an email that only serves to infuriate me), or
• anything asking me to sign up for something illegal (such as a “service” to help me find information about someone so I can blackmail them.  Nagging is much more satisfying). 

Why would anyone click on a link with no subject, from someone they haven’t heard from in years, and think it’s really from them?  Are there really people who will open an email from “Hope Udye,” “Erna Buck”, or “Justa Mann” and click on the link?   Are there still that many people in the world who use Paypal, Chase, Bank of America, or Ebay falling for an email starting with, “Dear revered customer?”

Most people with a computer who purchase anything over the internet with a credit card also purchase a credit check monitoring alert service.  Why would anyone open an email with a string of nonsense words or a from line full of colons, dashes or misspelling that says: 

• Your credit rating was just raised  (get real)
• Your credit rating was just lowered  (so what)
• Someone just checked your credit (like they would know)
• Find out if someone opened a credit card in your name! (they can stick it up their  “:” because I’d know in a second if they tried it.)

Anyone who clicks on these links deserves what they get.  You think that’s heartless and insensitive? 

When I first trolled the net, there wasn’t much guidance for newbies.  There was this great offer sent in my email.  So many great products for almost nothing ($2 – $5 each).  I paid the initial “membership” fee, searching for the ones that were advertised in the email.  What I found were things I could get at the dollar store for—yep—a dollar.  Plus $10 shipping.  Yes, there were times I had to cancel my credit card and have a new one issued.  As I said, anyone who clicks on these links deserves what they get. 

I can only hope that one day spammers get the email address of someone who actually knows how to find these bottom feeders.   Then I want that someone to give out their address so that the 300 million people in the world affected by this plague can take the law into their own hands. 

That’s one reality show I might actually watch.