Computers, Word 7, embezzlers and…why I save often and well

When I was a kid, I took apart an old clock and put it together again. It ran backwards. I’m told that’s impossible, but when the first plane-like entity flew a few hundred feet in the air, who would’ve thought it would be possible for a plane flying 1000 passengers (alive or dead) to zoom across the ocean in 10 hours? The difference is that I didn’t purposely go forth and strive to make a clock run backwards.

When it comes to mechanical things, I’m like a bull in a china shop. When it comes to software, I’m either like the a-bomb over Hiroshima or the first person to successfully complete brain surgery with an axe and make the patient better. We won’t talk about the number of patients who died before or after that first prehistoric success story.

Take, for example, the temporary internet folder when it’s a hidden file. I don’t know how to make it unhidden (if there’s such a word), but I do know that if I bring up the local what-you-call-it, do a search, choose that you want to search hidden files, and then click on the temporary internet folder, you can then delete what’s in it.

I did, however, learn the hard way what f-disk meant.

Word 7—now that elicits a string of curse words I haven’t said in over a decade. I haven’t been reduced to tears like that since I learned the meaning of f-disk. To say that I hate Word 7 is so unimaginably lacking in intensity that it’s like saying I just got stung by 10,000 bees that had nothing better to do that day. If I find the bastard who thought it was a good idea to screw up what was working just fine for most people, I’d like to stick my computer…well—you get the picture. If you’re like me, you learn only what you need to learn on the computer to do your job. You don’t need to create fake UFO pictures for fun–or a power point presentation to wow a conference room full of businessmen in $1000 suits. Having to go from XP to Word 7 is like riding a well-tuned bicycle a block to work for years, and finding some asshole has replaced it with a big honking SUV instead. Then you’re told, “We’re phasing out bicycles—live with it.”

Why not just go back to XP, you might ask. Well, I really didn’t know the difference between 64 bit and 32 bit when I bought my laptop, and it seems there aren’t a lot of word programs you can put on it, so I either have to ditch a perfectly good refurbished laptop or hope to God my refurbished desktop computer doesn’t crap out on me.

One of the things I have learned to do well is cut and paste. For example, if you go to the search engine and enter “I hate Word 7, this is what you get:

“Word 2007: Not Exactly a Must-Have —
Oct 1, 2007 … I HATE Word 2007. Yes, it has a few advantages, such as saving as a pdf, but the inaccessibility of the options and the way the menus are put … articles/ 2007/ 10/ 01/ word-2007-not-exactly-a-musthave.aspx – View by Ixquick Proxy – Highlight

I Hate Microsoft Office Word 2007 | Facebook
I Hate Microsoft Office Word 2007. 283 likes · 0 talking about this. pages/ I-Hate-Microsoft-Office-Word-2007/ 127568907255974 – View by Ixquick Proxy – Highlight

How Do I Hate Thee, Word 2007 | Colleen Anderson
3 days ago … I’ve been formatting my book for printing at Createspace, due out this month. Since Embers Amongst the Fallen was already formatted for an … 2012/ 10/ 05/ how-do-i-hate-thee-word-2007/ – View by Ixquick Proxy – Highlight

Things to Hate About Office 2007
Oct 29, 2007 … Or that there would even be a group in WORD called DATA? What the? I hate Office 2007. Then I have to save every Office doc type as the … – View by Ixquick Proxy – Highlight “

I’m not totally computer illiterate. I save often and well. I began with floppy disks, moved on to rewritable CD’s, then graduated to flash drives. How did I learn that, you might ask (if you’re not bored to tears already).

An office manager who hated me because at that time I was married to a younger guy, went in and erased all the files on the hard drive while I was on vacation. Never mind that the computer was working fine when I left 10 days before and all the files were there. Not even I am inept enough to ruin a computer when I’m out of state. Logic was never her strong point. I can tell you this because she lived like a princess, had a husband who loved her, a high-paying job and instead of being content with this, she just had to have an affair with a younger man. I suppose it wouldn’t have been so bad had she stopped at that, but then she was caught embezzling from the company and spent time in jail–several years after I got the hell out of Dodge.

My, BAID (My, but alas I digress). I, on the other hand, had saved the majority of my files on floppy disks, so it was an annoyance but not a catastrophe. Had she been as bright as she was vindictive, my floppy’s would’ve been missing, too. Now, I make sure there are at least 2 other copies, one of which is not near my computer.

Did I mention that I have another talent? I can kill anything that grows–except for one. You should see my Spanish Needle farm.